Comical Wedding Vows

Comical  wedding vows do not necessarily have to be guffaw-producing monologues.

This is not intended to replace Saturday Night Live or The Late Show or other stand up commedy routines.  Instead our goal in comical wedding vows is to infuse your ceremony with unique small touches of humor to lighten the mood and help everyone have fun. 

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There are many ways to add a touch of comedy to the ceremony. You can create some very personally inspiring comical wedding vows. One of the more common ways is by using rythm and rhyme. Here is an example of vows that rhyme.

I John, take you Mary, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be together in happiness and strife,
To have and to hold,
Even if your cooking grows mold.
I love you in richness and in debt,
And cherish all moments since we have met.
I promise to love you until the end of my days,
As long as you stay out of my sports ways.
I pledge to be faithful
Even when we’re old and dull.

You may have special interests that would be interesting to mention in your ceremony. You may be an animal lover, an avid golfer, an ardent sports fan, or enthusiastic about a hobby. If your home is going to be largely affected by your special interests, it can make for comical wedding vows that are intriguingly personal.

 
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An Animal Lover Might Say:

Groom: I promise to love and cherish you as much as we love do our dog, Cowboy. When we have guests, I promise to dust, take out the garbage, and remove the dog hairs from the couch. If you will pay the vet, I will love you in sickness and in health. I promise to cuddle with you and Cowboy, because I love you.

Bride: I love you, and I promise to keep fresh kitty litter in the house at all times. I will cook for you, but only feed gourmet cat food to our cat. I will love you for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, as long as Kitty lives her ninth life.

A Baseball Fan Might Say:

Groom: I promise to love even when the Chicago Bears are playing on TV. I will listen to you intently, at every commercial. I promise not to stand on the coffee table when they score a touchdown. In good times and bad, winning or losing, I will always love you.

Bride: I promise to love you and respect you while I am cooking, shopping, or cleaning as long as my credit card works. I will always use my ball bat to get your attention before I try to talk to you. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day, and will have plenty of potato chips on hand.

When it comes to writing comical wedding vows, it can take quite a bit of thought. What you do not say may be as important as what you do say. Comedy at your wedding must be free from any hint of criticism, put downs, complaint, or hurtful words. Your aim is not to insult, but lighten the mood, to reduce the stress, and uplift the celebration. Often compliments can be a key part of the comical wedding vows too.

Dr. David Trumble's collection of wedding vows and ceremonies.

Not everyone is comfortable expressing the deep emotions of love, caring and permanence, so funny wedding vows help for those who would like to go humorous rather than sentimental.

As a brief point of clarification: Wedding Pledges are the questions asked by the minister to which the bride and groom answer "I do". Wedding Vows are statements made by the bride and groom either on their own or repeated after the minister.

Sample Comical Phrases:

In the phrases below, are examples of some comical wedding vows that you may pick and choose, adapt and alter, and generally redo at your discression.

Will you love her, comfort her and keep her warm on those long nights when her boyfriend is gone?

Will you remain true to her until Thursday afternoon and remain together until she ticks you off for good?

I promise to be true to you in good times as long as you're healthy and make love to me and make me dinner. Amen.

Would you take this man to be your husband? Would you could you in a house? Would you could you with this louse? Would you could you in our church? Would you could you giving birth? Would you take this Sam I Am man and in the morning feed him green eggs and ham?

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I, ____ take you ____ to be my husband, my partner in crime and my one true bad boy lover.

I will cherish our friendship even when you're away in the Big House.

I will love you today, tomorrow and til the end of your life sentence.

I will laugh at you, cry for you, and love you semi-faithfully through the best of appeals and the worse of appeals.

I've given you my hand to hold through jailhouse glass and will visit you often. So, help me Judge Judy.

I, party of the first part, do thee wed, party of the second part, to have and to hold under this contract witnessed before ye parties of the third part. Heretowith, I proclaim myself without further contractual obligations until such time as this marriage contract becomes null and void in a court of law.

I promise honesty, sincerity and once a month fidelity, depending upon my mood.

I promise to be a faithful and obedient wife as long as you don't cross me and I get my way all the time. Salute!

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Comical wedding vows are only one way to infuse humor and gaity into your wedding event. Keep in mind that there are ample opportunities for humor at planning, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsals, dinners, the wedding reception, and other venues. You have the opportunity to create your own comical wedding vows or to pick and choose phrases to enhance already written sets of comical wedding vows.

The most important thing to consider when planning comical wedding vows is to have fun without hurting anyone.

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